What Women Want Men To Know


“A woman wants to be cherished, loved, protected and appreciated by her man. She wants to be the apple of his eye, his living fantasy. She wants to be in his thoughts throughout his day, and when he sees her….all of the world fades away because he only has eyes for her.”  ~ D.G Milton

As a younger man, I became interested in understanding more about women. I did learn some things that helped me in my relationships.  I’m not proclaiming that I’m an expert on women (who really can make that claim?) however when I got married I quickly realized that understanding women was not nearly as important as understanding and knowing my woman, my wife….the love of my life.

I would venture to say that most women would want a man to know something about a woman, have some understanding about the female, however, I believe it is much more important to a woman that her husband knows about her, the individual….his woman.

In my experience in counseling couples over the years, one of the constant threads I’ve found is this: women are much more interested in relationships than men are. I believe that this is one of the reasons that there are so many lopsided marriages. You can ask a man: “How’s your marriage going?” He’ll likely say “Great!” Now….ask his wife the same question!

Several years ago I knew an older man who was very bold. When he walked to into a room he would say “GOOD MORNING!” in a loud booming voice. Every day he’d do this. He’d come into the lunchroom laughing, talking loud, and slinging insults to anyone who got in his way. He was actually a very nice man and friendly.  One day he came into the lunchroom very quiet, very somber, and thoughtful. One of the other men who was older asked him was he ok. He was nearing his retirement….and it hit him. He said to me: “I’m about to retire and live with a woman that I’ve been married to for over thirty-five years…but we don’t really know each other anymore.” I sat there stunned, and vowed: “I’m not letting that happen to me”.

I was in a store that I frequent and over time I got to know some of the workers. I don’t remember, but I somehow got into a conversation about marriage with one of the lady cashiers. She had been married for over thirty years.  She is one of the friendliest people, always smiling. She seemed to be very happy.   Yet when I asked how was it going after all of these years….the look in her eyes told the story…her husband of many years did not really know her!  She only said in a disappointed tone, “well, we could be closer, it could be better.”

Some time later I spoke to a different worker in the same store. I was having a conversation, and I told her about my  27th anniversary.  While the first person I spoke with seemed slightly disappointed in her relationship, in contrast,  when this woman mentioned her many years of marriage, she said she’d hit the Jack Pot when she married her husband. She described how he takes care of her and was interested in her as a person, her goals, her growth and her dreams, it was refreshing to hear.

When I counsel experienced couples, those who have been married for 10+ years,
one of the first things I say to them is “both of you have changed and are going to change again”.  As time goes on: stay current with your mate! keep up with who they are and are becoming. Don’t lose track of them as an individual.

I then tell them and I invite you to read the lyric to the Rupert Holmes song “Escape”  (the pina~colada song).  It talks about a couple that had been together for a while and had gotten bored with one another.  They were both looking for someone new and didn’t realize that they were still compatible.

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