Make Your Spouse Your Best Friend

Can I just say this?  Marriage partners should be best friends.  When I got married, it always bothered me when older women would serve their husbands up for lunch.  Not because they were having a serious issue.  I’m not talking about sharing with others to get comfort, prayer or resolution (and that should be with people you know will be confidential) I’m talking about just tearing the brother down.

A marriage should be a friendship first and foremost.   This should be your absolute best friend in the world.  It should not be a place where you play games with each other and psychological tricks just to live together.

Sometimes women are selfish in a marriage and they talk about how they got over on their man.  This is especially bothersome when people say they are Christians. Christian women–we can be extremely judgemental and well–petty.  First, because we think we know what “everybody” SHOULD be doing.  Second, we often seem to feel that we can approach anybody about anything if it’s said with a “soft voice”.  We put so much gossip and tearing down under the heading of “I want you to be praying”.   Let’s face it, ladies.  Some things are just not our business.  The Bible does tell Christians not to be busybodies in other people’s lives. ( I Thess 3:11).

Don’t ask so much and don’t tell.

Now if your husband is beating you and psychologically abusing you, then I’ll go BUY the mic if you need it, but some of the things women trash about are honestly just a beat down.

I used to hear older teachers of women’s issues tell how you get over on your husband. Either “whip” him in the bedroom or don’t let him know what you’re doing. He doesn’t have to know everything.  For example,  If I shopped too much outside of the budget, well….he won’t know.  I’ve heard this stuff for years from various sources.  I’m sorry.  That’s not an honest relationship.  You may love one another, but you don’t respect one another.

There’s a difference.

If he is that mean that you can’t buy a pair of stockings and have to sneak them in the house, then you have a bigger problem to deal with than the price of those pantyhose. I should ask myself  “why do I feel I  have to go around him like that”?  “What is our communication problem”?    If you have to handle your BEST FRIEND like that, shouldn’t you really look at what’s wrong with your friendship and relationship?  Can’t a wife deal with her husband on an honest level?  And this is for men that have to tip around their wives as well, but today, I’m talking to us.

If he’s a cheap skate, shouldn’t you be talking about that and not just sneaking items in the house for 10 years just so you won’t have an argument? Confrontation and conflict are part a relationship building.  Avoiding discussion about problems is not solving them.

Women, we should be able to approach our husbands.   I’m talking about a regular guy with NO psychosis.

Advice is one thing, results are another.  I’d hear the old advice, but when I would see the results.  It would make me do this:

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The results were: a marriage that looked the part– no arguments –but not very close- like two separate statutes,  and very little growth in the relationship.   If every time I want something,  I have to figure out how to get it and go through hoops, then sweetie-pie and I need to have a talk about why I feel that’s necessary and get to the root of the problem.

–Renee

Listen to Gino give a weekly encouragement on friendship in marriage.

 

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Loving Each Other As Life Changes

Loving each other through the hard times is what gives strength to the bulwarks that are needed to endure the unavoidable challenges to your love and commitment to each other. Difficulties come with life and the quicker we realize there is no getting around it, the quicker we can began to work with each other to keep our love for each other alive and vibrant.

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I’m not saying go through life with ill-fitting rose-colored glasses, but don’t go through life with the “woe is me” syndrome either! Being there for each other as time changes us, as we began to grow old with each other, is what is sometimes under attack. It is our job as husbands and wives to work with each, being there for each other and being the best friend to each other. Be that support system for each other as life comes at both of you. This way, you will grow together and learn one another as life changes.

Years ago I knew a man who was about to retire. He said one of the saddest and most frightening things I’ve heard. He said he was about to spend his retirement with a woman he did not know anymore–his wife. This was the condition of their relationship after being married to each other for over 40 years! It was obvious that they did not grow together. Love each other as if this was the last day you have together, enjoy each other to the point where you are looking forward to seeing each other after a long day at work. Live your lives together and treat each day as a holiday celebrating each other!

How Can A Woman Stay Her Man’s Dream Girl?

When a Man Loves a Woman was an old song written by Calvin Lewis and Andrew Wright, and sung by a number of artists but done best Percy Sledge in my opinion. The lyrics speak on how the man will trade his whole world for the good he has found in finding this magnificent creature–the woman– his woman, his dream girl. So how can a woman stay her man’s dream girl?

Speaking from a man’s perspective, one thing that a woman can do to keep her man’s heart close to her is to make him feel safe to express himself. She should allow him to be vulnerable and human and express his fears, hurts, and pains.

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There was a study done of men who cheated on their wives. When asked why did they cheated, over 40% said because their wives were not meeting their emotional needs! I can speak from experience; my wife has been my best friend my biggest supporter and loudest cheerleader. She holds my hand when I’m afraid! She wipes my tears away. I’ve had to put my head on HER shoulder, and so yes, she has my best interest at heart. There is a safety that men need feel to express his fears and shortcomings. He needs to have a no judgment zone where he will not get criticized for doing what society tells him is weak. When a woman sees this, and she becomes that place of emotional safety, the smart man will react and will do everything to keep that place of deep emotional security and solace, and a smart woman will help him do it!