Can I just say this? Marriage partners should be best friends. When I got married, it always bothered me when older women would serve their husbands up for lunch. Not because they were having a serious issue. I’m not talking about sharing with others to get comfort, prayer or resolution (and that should be with people you know will be confidential) I’m talking about just tearing the brother down.
A marriage should be a friendship first and foremost. This should be your absolute best friend in the world. It should not be a place where you play games with each other and psychological tricks just to live together.
Sometimes women are selfish in a marriage and they talk about how they got over on their man. This is especially bothersome when people say they are Christians. Christian women–we can be extremely judgemental and well–petty. First, because we think we know what “everybody” SHOULD be doing. Second, we often seem to feel that we can approach anybody about anything if it’s said with a “soft voice”. We put so much gossip and tearing down under the heading of “I want you to be praying”. Let’s face it, ladies. Some things are just not our business. The Bible does tell Christians not to be busybodies in other people’s lives. ( I Thess 3:11).
Don’t ask so much and don’t tell.
Now if your husband is beating you and psychologically abusing you, then I’ll go BUY the mic if you need it, but some of the things women trash about are honestly just a beat down.
I used to hear older teachers of women’s issues tell how you get over on your husband. Either “whip” him in the bedroom or don’t let him know what you’re doing. He doesn’t have to know everything. For example, If I shopped too much outside of the budget, well….he won’t know. I’ve heard this stuff for years from various sources. I’m sorry. That’s not an honest relationship. You may love one another, but you don’t respect one another.
There’s a difference.
If he is that mean that you can’t buy a pair of stockings and have to sneak them in the house, then you have a bigger problem to deal with than the price of those pantyhose. I should ask myself “why do I feel I have to go around him like that”? “What is our communication problem”? If you have to handle your BEST FRIEND like that, shouldn’t you really look at what’s wrong with your friendship and relationship? Can’t a wife deal with her husband on an honest level? And this is for men that have to tip around their wives as well, but today, I’m talking to us.
If he’s a cheap skate, shouldn’t you be talking about that and not just sneaking items in the house for 10 years just so you won’t have an argument? Confrontation and conflict are part a relationship building. Avoiding discussion about problems is not solving them.
Women, we should be able to approach our husbands. I’m talking about a regular guy with NO psychosis.
Advice is one thing, results are another. I’d hear the old advice, but when I would see the results. It would make me do this:
The results were: a marriage that looked the part– no arguments –but not very close- like two separate statutes, and very little growth in the relationship. If every time I want something, I have to figure out how to get it and go through hoops, then sweetie-pie and I need to have a talk about why I feel that’s necessary and get to the root of the problem.
Listen to Gino give a weekly encouragement on friendship in marriage.