The goal of this article is to help people understand the crucial importance of listening, and hearing in relationships, and why it is the most important part of communication.
When you get into a fight or an argument, you cut off the possibilities of good communication (i.e. listening and hearing).
Whatever you want to call it: a verbal fight, a disagreement, or a spat, when voices are being raised, and names are being called and the verbal exchange turns personal, ugly and we hope not, but possibly physical, that’s not an argument….that’s a fight! And both sides are trying to “win” the battle.
Here’s the problem, someone is going to lose.
Most misunderstand where they are in a discussion. They believe that what they are doing is just an argument when it’s really not, it’s a fight! The definition of a fight: a violent confrontation or struggle, a battle or war. This is the beginning of the destruction of communication and the relationship!
Why do I say that you ask? Here’s why: Anytime I say things to deliberately hurt my spouse, or they say something that cuts to the heart to the point that it creates a spark that kindles deep animosity and resentment. As a result, I see them in a light that I’ve never seemed them before, a light that reflects a hurtful person. This is a fight and not an argument. An
An argument or disagreement or a “discuss-ment” as my wife calls it, is an attempt to get the other person to see your point of view, not so that you can win, but so that you both advance in the relationship.
Now, the reason I focused on this for my first series of articles is because so many relationships have fallen apart because of this particular misunderstanding in communication. It’s time we learn how to communicate in a way that brings success and satisfaction to both parties.
Feel free to comment or share your experiences.