I’ve been happily married to my sweet wife for a little over 27 years and we’ve been blessed with three children ages 14, 18 and 21. We are the best of friends; we talk for hours! We still hold hands. I still open the door for my bride, and our passion for each other is stronger than it was in our youth. We not only love each other, we are “In Love” with each other!!! A great deal of our success was obtained by a willingness on both our parts to listen to one another. By doing that, we learned to “fight fair”, but that’s not how my life started out. I didn’t get this relationship from long years of watching an example.
To give you a little background, I was born and raised in Chicago, the 7th of 10 children. I grew up in a dysfunctional home. When I grew older and saw my parents 53-year “marriage”, I vowed that when I got married, I was not going to have a relationship like theirs! My mom and dad came to a place in their relationship where they were just roommates. They got used to being around each other. I never witnessed any romantic love between them. I never saw my dad show any affection toward my mom. I never heard my dad call my mom a term of endearment, like “sweetheart”, or “honey”… nothing. I never saw them kiss, hold hands or even hug each other. I know. Sad. However, I did see emotion. Unfortunately, it was usually anger and yelling. I remember the loud arguments and abuse that went on in the home. So you may ask “well, how did you know what to do after you got married”?!
Well, in addition to having a commitment to scripture as a Christian, scriptures that instructed me to love my wife, I simply did the exact opposite of what I saw my father do.
I made sure that my wife knew that she was the apple of my eye, and I daily expressed my love and appreciation for her. She knows and was convinced that she had my heart. However, we are both human and we have our disagreements, even arguments. So here’s my question. why can’t we change the negatives of childhood and create a great home?